Conference Fun, Part III: Hilarity Ensues

(By the way, I know I promised actual applicable lessons this week, but I’m just not done being goofy yet. Friday and Monday, I’ll post conference lessons. After that, we should be getting back to the posts-on-Mondays schedule. And don’t forget to read Friday’s bonus post if you missed it!)

I’m out of big stories, so here follows a series of mini stories, in roughly chronological order. These are just a few things that I thought were funny that didn’t merit a full post.

Agent Poaching with Doug Grad

I was standing in line for lunch with Robert Masello and Doug Grad, chatting about editing or something like that, and this lady walked up. Mid-sentence, she interrupted Mr Grad to start pitching him her book. Didn’t even pretend to be part of the conversation first- just jumped right in. I was flabbergasted. Seriously! People DO that? But he took it like a champ. Apparently, he’s used to this kind of treatment.

Robert Masello (Just Him In General)

Every word out of this man‘s mouth is comic gold. Every. Word. I now want to buy everything he’s ever written. Books on dating? Want ’em. Books on demons? Want ’em. Books on dating demons? Yes, please!

Heavy Hors d’Oeurves

Not refreshments. Not a light dinner. Somewhere in between. I have never seen such a large group of adults giggling so long over something so silly. Who knows exactly what heavy hor d’oeurves are? Apparently not us.

Axis of Awesome Technofail

Now granted: there WAS alcohol at the awards banquet. But really- it took five people, two computers, three control panels, and over than an hour of work to get this video onto the projector and playing sound. And it was shockingly worth it.

WARNING: F-Bomb alert!

Four notes for every hit ever. Twenty-six letters to make every word in the English language. NOW GO WRITE AN AWESOME BOOK.

Marc Cameron and Jackie Ivie

I don’t know if they realized they were being funny, but they were. Marc Cameron is a thriller writer, heavy on the action, light on the sex and swearing. Jackie Ivie is a writer of vampire romance, sometimes involving assassins, sometimes involving (or more often not involving) kilts. They sat next to one another at the author panel. I really wish I could properly describe the mystified horror that was on Mr Cameron’s face half the time Ms Ivie was speaking. Like he couldn’t comprehend the things she was saying.

Food Poisoning for Hippies

I like wholesome, quality food. I didn’t realize this was hazardous to my health. The day after the conference, we had breakfast at IHOP, which, if I understand correctly, sells pancakes ALL DAY LONG. Genius. So I loaded up on greasy hashbrowns and eggs; a slab of flesh coated in carbs and gravy; and glorious, golden flapjacks. It was great. My tummy was a little confused as to what to do with all this cholesterol, but I figured things would be fine. Mary and I started the long drive back and I ate IHOP leftovers for lunch, too. And then McDonald’s for dinner. McDonald’s. I hadn’t had McDonald’s since I was a crazy pregnant woman. By the time I got home to my adoring family, there were rumblings of discontent from down south. By nightfall, things were getting ugly. And by bedtime, I had full blown food poisoning. Seriously, it felt and acted exactly like food poisoning. Nobody warned me that my junk food tolerance could disappear. And so I ended the best weekend of my life kickin’ it with my porcelain pal.

It’s a dangerous business we’re in, my friends. Just be careful out there.


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