In the spirit of Halloween, let’s wreak death and mayhem on billions of people! But it’s okay, ’cause it’s only in our minds. In the comments of this post, put up your best apocalypse scenario of 200 words or less no later than 11:59PM October 29th.

Before you all start chanting ‘nukes’, a huge aspect of scoring will be creativity, so you probably want to avoid cliche apocalypses unless you’ve got a really fresh twist on an old classic. I and a hand selected panel of judges (aka- random people I bother on the street) will select winners, which will be announced on Halloween.

As with Pitch Party, winners will be awarded fantastic postcards in each of these three categories: creativity; plausibility; and scared-my-pants-off-ivity. Let’s get this party started!

"Human Skulls" by Jono Pare

These guys? These guys did NOT make it…


3 thoughts on “Apocafest

  1. 2016; May 12; 0634 (GMT): The Russian radio telescope DKR-1000 discovers a mega asteroid (Caca) entering the inner solar system. Caca will collide with Earth on October 4, 2051.

    2033: Governments christen the spacecraft Belisarius to deliver nuclear explosions to deflect Caca from Earth’s orbit.

    2048: Riots kill millions. Colony ships depart for Mars.

    2051; September: Belisarius launches. Belisarius lands on Caca and detonates nuclear charges. Deflection is insufficient.

    2051; October 4: Caca passes over the Ocean. Massive tidal waves destroy much of Australia and Asia. Caca comes within 50 km of Earth over Africa. The crust permanently buckles. A pressure wave creates a massive firestorm. Caca leaves over South America after absorbing much of Earth’s atmosphere. Over 30% of all people on Earth die in the first 24 hours. South America, Africa, and SE Asia are lifeless.

    2051; October 7: With a reduced atmosphere and massive firestorms the air is too thin to support humans. 95% or those who survive Caca suffocate. Air compressors and oxygen tanks save millions.

    2052; July: The thinner atmosphere causes worldwide crop failure, ecological collapse, extreme weather and powerful solar radiation. Human population still in decline. Colonists struggle for life on Mars.


    When the first appliance turned, there was a media sensation. That one Far Side cartoon was passed about. “I command the foul demons that have clogged this vacuum out!’ There was mumbling, whispering, a little fearful weeping, but mostly laughing. TVs and phones and the remaining papers showed images of the tortured toaster, complete with its diamond-tipped tail and horns. It barked and yipped and growled and twitched, something definitely alive, but so clearly a prank that no one could possibly think it was an omen of ill portent.
    Then, a refrigerator turned into a walking beast, and ate a cat. The reports on the news became more confused, a little more scared. The jokes still flew, but the laughter they brought was hollow, a distraction from the fear.
    Because, of course, it couldn’t be. Halloween was approaching. The universe couldn’t possibly have a sense of humour so bad, so anglocentric. It was all an elaborate joke. A clever marketing ploy.
    Then the cars started changing, and a billion people died. The phones began screaming, and millions more went mad. And on Halloween night, the last electric light turned red, and howled.

  3. From my husband, Michael:
    Frogs will become sick at the injustice from humans. Because of their superior abilities (breath through their skin, jumping many times their height, some of the most deadly poisons on earth, and vast numbers) they are able to rise up and enslave humanity.
    From me:
    The people of the north start evolving into super strong, furry humans that resemble polar bears and the people of the south start mutating into hyper-intelligent, albino monkeys due to their excessive use of electronics. Then during one of the monkeys lab experiments a mutant bread of Sasquatches escapes and is bent on taking over the world. The monkeys technology was useless in fighting them. Due to their physical prowess, the polar bears of the north were the only ones capable of stopping the Sasquatches reign of terror. Sadly, the monkeys were wiped out and the bear-like people of the north survived.

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