I may as well just admit it- for about as long as I can remember, I’ve had terrible crushes on Sherlock Holmes and Peter Parker. Bruce Wayne is a more recent addition- I think I picked him up when I was between twelve and fifteen- but I don’t know if he’ll ever quite catch up to the first two. I think I married my husband based at least forty-two-percent on the fact that he’s the closest real-world equivalent I’ll ever find to Spiderman- he’s got the build, he wears spandex, and he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. It didn’t hurt that he was a Sherlock nerd as well.
For fun, and in mocking observance of Valentine’s Day (which is a hard holiday to win at whether you’re single or not), I did some research on imaginary crushes! Because I enjoy bothering people and graphs are fun.
Participants were asked to answer this question:
Which of the following statements best describes you?
A. I am nearly constantly in love with one fictional character or another.
B. I fall occasionally in love with fictional characters.
C. I only fall in love with real people, thank you very much.
D. I am a mere robot and cannot feel.
I bothered only eighteen people about this, but the results delicious. Pie!
An interesting sidenote: Most of the men questioned answered C, whereas most of the women answered A. B was a mixed bag, and I don’t know which of my associates is secretly an android plotting humanity’s downfall. But my husband had an explanation for why men tend to answer C: Guy Code. Apparently Guy Code dictates that you cannot pine for another guy’s girl, and since most female characters are someone’s love interest, they are not allowed to crush on them. I don’t know if I buy it, but that’s how he explains his cold, cold heart.
Need some more imaginary romance goofiness? Well the internet’s got you covered! Check out these fun links to more literary loveboats, and until next week, happy writing!
Our Biggest Literary Crushes (wherein self-aware staffers at B&N explain themselves)
Totally Crush-Worthy Literary Characters (this one got in based almost solely on #21. Like I said, I have a problem.)